Columns

Soaking up good golf

A couples tournament at the Flying L on October 8 forced me to re-evaluate how I play golf. Instead of wasting money on training aids and high-tech clubs, I’m investing in a pup tent and a sleeping bag.
Buddy Antwine and Mary Pace won the front nine of the tournament with a best-ball score of 30, or 6 under par. Buddy’s back porch looks out on the Flying L golf course. Mary works in the pro shop and her home is full of good golfers. Mary’s daughter Isabella shines in one tournament after another, most recently winning a South Texas PGA medal. Mary’s son Johnny Muñoz is a winner in Flying L events and husband John carries one of the lowest handicaps at the Flying L. The aroma of good golf permeates the Pace home like the wonderful smell of pot roast before Sunday dinner.
John and Janelle Koch won the back nine with the even lower score of 29, or 7 under par. John did his share, but Janelle shot the proverbial lights out. John and Janelle spend a lot of time at the Flying L home of Janelle’s sister, Kathleen Segura, and Kathleen’s husband and Flying L head pro Arnie Segura. In addition to Arnie’s professional-level knowledge and skills at golf, Kathleen is club champion and recently won the Cowboy Classic. Waves of good golf radiate from that house into the adjoining fairway.
These tournament results lead to only one logical conclusion—osmosis is the secret to good golf. I’ve been doing it all wrong. I don’t need to bang practice balls and sweat in the hot sun. I can just hang out near good players and bathe myself in the aura of great golf. I can’t understand why the good players are so dense, but they haven’t yet figured this out. They spend a lot of time on the practice range, so I know where to go for my dose of good vibrations.
I’ve long suspected that my playing partners were my real problem, and my golf osmosis theory guarantees it. You guys know who you are. You better step it up and show me something or I’m looking for some real golfers who understand my needs.
To test my theory, let’s look at the results of the last Good Old Boys tournament. Bandera’s Steve Stoops took first place with 3 points from a nice round of 79. Van Tom “Coach” Whatley was a member of the Stoops foursome, and Whatley shot 78 and won the closest to the pin prize on number 17. I was also in that foursome, and I matched Whatley’s 78. See what friends can do for you if they play well?
Hondo’s Byron Watts shot 89 for 2 points to take second place. Bandera’s Gary Manning was closest to the pin on number 7 and Boerne’s Walter Stroman also shot 78. They were all in a foursome together. I rest my case.
And that pup tent and sleeping bag I have on order? If you hear of someone being arrested for pitching a tent in the fairway just outside the Koch/Segura fence line or in the Pace’s backyard, you’ll know who it was.