Columns

Food For Thought

When you are a writer, you write. Today, I write a column. A few years back when I owned a marketing agency specializing in the hospitality industry, I also wrote, but I wrote menu copy to describe delicious menu items. Sizzling Beef Fajitas, onions and peppers topped with a squirt of lime and served with Spanish Rice and Borracho Beans. Hungry yet?
As a menu copywriter I was always on the lookout for a good word or name to razzle dazzle the reader. Handmade. Flash grilled. Spicy hot. There is a certain decorum to naming and describing a delicious dish. Today, there is no proper in prose. No truth in homemade. No low fat in anything.
Last week, when I was lunching with The Boyfriend’s Cousins, I took notice when the cousin sitting directly across from me announced with glee, “Oh boy! They have Divorced Eggs! If I ever see them on a menu, I always order them!”
Divorced Eggs? Have you ever heard of that before? Me neither.
When she said it, my mind immediately went into menu copywriter mode. Here’s what my crazy brain came up with while I waited for my Crispy Asian Salad topped with grilled chicken and served with sweet and tart sesame dressing.
Divorced Eggs
Evidently, these eggs came from broken homes, as they’ve never figured out how to make a relationship last. These over hard twins rest on opposite sides of a plate filled with their young sides, Rice and Beans. The problem is obvious to the dining guest. One over hard egg is topped with red sauce and the other with green. Though they say opposites attract, evidently they don’t last. We can’t guarantee what will happen when you place both these eggs directly in your stomach together. They are divorced, after all.
I assume the split came when she figured out he wasn’t free range.
Because I can’t give up my fascination of menu copy, I decided to Google “weird menu item names” so we could all learn something together. Trust me; your gastronomic juices will thank me.
Sausage Toad
If it’s oddly named food, it’s from England. Or Asia, though most of those names, when translated, are pornographic, so I skipped them. Sausage Toad is not the English version of a sausage in a tortilla; it’s the name for sausages in Yorkshire pudding batter, served with onion gravy and vegetables. I’m certain this could feel worse in your stomach than Divorced Eggs.
Bubble and Squeak
Another British dish that is a “quick potato hash” whatever that means. I think it means the sounds your body will make after you eat it.
Devils on Horseback
While I think it’s a rather clever name, I wasn’t prepared to find out that this English delicacy was, in fact, prunes wrapped in bacon. What a sad, sad thing to do to bacon.
Limpin’ Susan
Can’t blame the Brits for this. A truly American Southern Dish comprised of black-eyed peas, rice and okra. Southerners always look for any way they can to hide okra in a dish.
Some names can be a con, as well. Take a look at this one.
Wonton Chicken Happiness
Man, this sounds like a plate of fried wontons that are stuffed with fortune cookie fortunes. Instead, it’s simply a Chinese Chicken Salad. Yawn.
Happy Family
A Chinese dish made of everything they have in the kitchen to make your tummy happy.
Say, if we ordered “Happy Family” and “Divorced Eggs” together, maybe we could make the world a better place. Is it time for lunch yet?