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A list of "De-Man-ds"

Move on fellas. This one’s for the ladies.

This morning, as I was leisurely scanning people’s Facebook posts of what they ate, grew or saw, I ran across a rather interesting list. I supposed it was actually a “Twilight Zone Post” as it instantly took me back to my sordid youth. Man, life was tough back then.
The post was of an official typewritten list on a piece of paper. It’s obviously from a young woman who is barely 21. It is for her boyfriend and it is entitled, “Rules” and followed by these emoticons: happy face, heart, girl icon, another happy face and the ultimate of all: a kiss.
Now before I get into some of her “de-man-ds” let’s think back ladies on that point in our lives. When we were young, we actually thought we could order men around, didn’t we? All I can say is I’ve dated a whole bunch of men in my life and a list of demands never worked. At best, you might be able to get a young male to pay attention to you for about four minutes until either he had to go back to playing a violent Xbox game or needs to check the freezer for frozen pizza rolls. You’d have better luck posting the note in the pantry on the Oreo cookies package.
So let’s take a closer look at some of her demands, oh, and prepare to LOL. Smiley face. I’ve used her spelling, grammar and punctuation. I’ve added my comments, because I couldn’t resist. Here goes:
• You are NOT to have a single girls phone number. Excuse me, what about his mother?
• You are NOT to hang out with your friends more than two times a week. Honey, I’d pay a man to get My New Boyfriend out of my hair for half a day.
• You are NOT to get mad at me about a single thing ever again. How could he ever get mad at a sweet, demure, well-mannered lady such as you?
• If girls come up to you at any place or anytime you are to WALK away. With the girls? Into oncoming traffic? On to a nicer girl?
• We are to go on a legit date once every two weeks at least. Right, and who’s going to pay for that trip to the All-You-Can-Eat Pizza buffet?
• If I say jump you say “how high princess.” The last time a man called me princess, I’m pretty sure I took a swing at him.
• You are to make sure you tell me you love me once a day at least so I know your not messing around. Honey, I’ve got news for you. The men that mess around on you are also showering you with gifts, flowers and lots of “I love you’s.” I’ve been there, done that. Got the t-shirt.
• (And my favorite) If we move in together your friends will “RARLEY” be allowed over. Little lady, I bet he’s already packed his bags.
Maybe getting old isn’t so bad after all. You know they won’t change, so you don’t ask anymore. You simply delight in the few moments your man actually thinks about you first. The quirks you just learn to live with.
At this age, I’ve still got my list of “Rules”, but it’s much shorter than hers. Here is mine:
• Treasure me for the rest of our lives together and I’ll treasure you right back.
The End. Smiley Face. Laughing Face. Kissy Face.