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Support Your Friends

They say, “You can’t pick your family,” but you certainly can pick your friends. So why did I pick a nut for my best friend?
I met Very Best Friend 41 years ago. It still amazes me that I’ve known someone that long and still remain best friends. Maybe it’s because we’re both a bit off center. I never will forget our first encounter.
I was Music Director of KLIF, the Mighty 1190, in Big D and she was a newly hired Sales Associate at the station. I was in charge of what music we would play on the air and her job was to sell lots of advertisements so everyone could get a pay check twice a month. Normally, the On Air people didn’t really associate with the Sales People. We were Prima Donna’s. They were, well, sales people. But it all changed with us.
She walked into my office one day, introduced herself and queried, “Can you tell me the name of a new song we are playing on the station, now?” I said, “Sure! That’s my job to decide what we are playing. What’s the name of the song?” Her answer should have given me a clue. “I have no idea.” I said, “Ok, what’s the name of the singer?” Again she replied, “I have no idea.”
I groaned and said, “Well, okay is it a man or a woman singing?” She did know this and exclaimed, “I’s pretty sure it was male – it might have been a group!” With that I announced, “Oh, that’s It ‘Keeps You Runnin’ by the Doobie Brothers.” Yes I’m that good and instantly, a life-long friendship was born.
I learned quickly that VBF was a story teller. She’s got a funny story for most every event in her life, so when this one popped out of her mouth recently, all I could think was that you ladies out there might just need to laugh about this subject as well.
VBF loves to shop for clothing online. She decided she needed some new bras, so she went to several “foundation” websites and perused the selections. She found several options that she thought would solve the problem that she was having. I loved the way she put it.
“I needed to find some bras with high sides because, when gravity hit, mine didn’t sag down, they went out to the sides like water wings. I’m afraid I’ve got side boobs.”
I sat in stunned silence as she continued.
“So I followed the websites instructions for measuring my size. I’m either a 42 A or I’m a 34 DD, depending on the company.” Evidently fitting side boobs can be problematic. Where’s the Steve Jobs of the bra world? Oh wait, maybe it would be better if it was a brilliant woman that changed the face of foundations.
Then she finished by announcing that the bra buys had been a huge success, but now everything was so pushed up, that her cleavage went all the way to her chin line. All I could muster was, “Well, at least the wrinkles are gone now.”
As we ended our conversation, I reminded her to keep looking for that perfect one piece Spanks that would finally keep us lump free from head to toe. Know what she said? “But think how fat that will make our ankles look!”
Well, she does have a point.